Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
