Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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