This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
