He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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