you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
