he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
