i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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