1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
