I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
