she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
