Umm I'm too high to move.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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