Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nutella sex= disaster
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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