i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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