Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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