you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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