I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
