The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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