then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
