Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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