i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
