Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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