so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
