Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
