is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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