When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
