walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
