so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
