well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
