He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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