We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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