First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
