Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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