You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
