Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So much rum. So many feels.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
