My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
