K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
