Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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