I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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