I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
