You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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