The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
