You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
