Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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