u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
