a queef is a wish your heart makes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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