Your dad touched me again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
