Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
