this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
