You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
