it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
