Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize