I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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