im about as happy as oj after his trial
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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