actually, I'm a sock model
It's Friday. Sex?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
