Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
