I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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