Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
