if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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