every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
