imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
