We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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