Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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