You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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