you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
