You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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