Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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