this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
