did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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