There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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