margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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